What Is Stonewalling?

Relationships are often nuanced and complex, bringing joy, companionship and challenges. One such challenge is ‘stonewalling’, which is where one party refuses to communicate with the other. 

Stonewalling can lead to serious discontent. It can cause the breakdown of a relationship and lead to complex, protracted divorce proceedings following separation.

In this article, we explain what stonewalling is, the common behaviours associated with it, how it can damage relationships and, most importantly, how to handle it.

What Is Stonewalling?

Stonewalling is an avoidance tactic often used in relationships. It typically involves one person shutting down, ignoring, or otherwise refusing to engage in conversation with their partner. Stonewalling can be an emotionally challenging situation, which, if left unresolved, can lead to significant problems in a relationship.

What Are the Two Types of Stonewalling?

• Unintentional Stonewalling

Unintentional stonewalling often occurs as a defence mechanism when discussing sensitive topics. It might develop over time to prevent a conversation from escalating into a full-blown argument. Sometimes, the person doesn’t even realise they are stonewalling, but the impact is still just as hurtful.

• Intentional Stonewalling

Intentional stonewalling is a deliberate act often used as a form of manipulation or punishment. This behaviour stops victims from being able to address issues, making it more difficult to resolve arguments and disagreements.

What Are the Common Behaviours of Stonewalling?

Common behaviours associated with stonewalling include silence and dismissive body language. The stonewaller might resort to rolling their eyes, crossing their arms or turning their back, subtly expressing their disengagement and indifference.

Sometimes, the physical act of leaving a shared space during a conversation — a behaviour known as ‘walking away’ — becomes an escape route from confronting emotional discomfort.

Why Is Stonewalling Damaging to a Relationship?

Stonewalling can lead to feelings of frustration, loneliness and helplessness in the person on the receiving end. It can destroy trust and intimacy, and lead to the breakdown of the relationship.

How Do You Deal with Someone Who Stonewalls?

Dealing with someone who stonewalls can be tricky. It’s important to communicate your feelings about this behaviour, preferably at a time when both parties are calm. 

Stonewalling can lead to significant emotional distress and can damage relationships. Understanding and identifying stonewalling behaviour is the first step towards resolving it. 

Sometimes, professional help might be needed to navigate these difficult disputes. Goodwins Family Law can provide guidance and support in these situations, helping with family law issues including divorce, separation agreements and more.

Contact our team today for advice, guidance and support.